Tuesday, 5 May 2020

Help: My Father Is Killing My Mom Gradually

My parents got married 27years ago, since then it has been hell for my mom. It's as if my mom was forced on him or did the love just seize to exit, this I need advice on, from my brothers and sisters here on what to do next.

It all began in 1993, two years later I was born (1995), then we reside in Lagos but my dad later moved to pH in search of greener pastures. He only comes back home (Lagos) once in a while. My mom tried all her best to cater for her kids during all those period with no help or whatsoever coming from my Dad. It wasn't easy at all.

Fast forward to early 2003, my dad came visiting after two years without hearing from him and then my mom decided we are going with him to pH, he opposed but my mom Insisted. To cut the long story short, after we get to pH we found out my dad was living carelessly, womanizing, his social life is zero because he doesn't drink or smoke but he lavished all his money outside and Care less about his family.


My mom strived and engaged in little business which we managed to survive on. My dad only comes home when he is Short of money and acted low and submissive but as soon as he got some money, he changed immediately.

So 2010 I left pH to the village, was writing waec, looking for admission and so on, later going to lag to hustle around 2013 as I'm the one to foot my education expenses.

2015 I gained admission in a polytechnic, after my OND in 2017 I went back to lag to begin the hustle as I have to further my education, all this period I did not visit my family in Port Harcourt. I went back for HND in 2018 but had to withdraw because of lack of funds, I went back again in 2019 because a family member advised he will foot the bills which he later didn't do.

So because of this covid 19 I visited my parents in pH. My mom was very ill, she can't move nor stand and she has been the one taking care of the family, my father inclusive. My father has been a lazy man who depends solely on his wife for survival. He does not work, he does not stay at home with his sick wife. 6am he will enter the kitchen and eat any food he finds he won't even ask if four of his kids and my mom will eat. He will go and sit down in people's shops around the streets discussing with people's wife's. 10am he will be back home, straight to the kitchen to check if there's any food if my mom had drop money for us to prepare food, he will eat it without even talking to anybody, in fact he owns the kitchen now. He repeats same 2pm, 5pm and night meal also. I'm just so angry right now I don't even know what I am typing again.

After seeing all this behavior i advised my mother to give him some space, she gave birth to four children for him and three of us can survive on our own as we are no longer kids, but she won't obliged it's just as if maybe she is okay with suffering.

Today this morning, my dad did the most outrageous thing, he woke up and started ranting, saying does my mom think he is not going to be rich later, and he won't stay here forever. I got the message he was passing that he is going to leave my Mom if he stumbles upon some money. And I exactly told my mom this statement yesternight too.

Please you guys should advise me on what to do because at this junction, it hurts me a lot having the knowledge that my mom is with man who doesnt care or love her, even at her sick bed, he never for once visited the doctor nor the man of God taking care of my Mom.



  1. Dear sister looking at ur story all what u and ur siblings have is ur mum, if she die she has loss in all her suffering. I advice u rent a new house in a different place far from ur dad. Let her start life there again with the children.

  2. My dear your story is so pathetici really feel for you, I Will advise you to go and report D's issue to your mother's family before DSR man called your will kill DST woman called your mother but God forbid, pls be fast about it, inform f fuly of your mother quick assuming you have money I will still advise you to go and rent another apartment for your mother and never let DAT man knows d place pls for security purpose, thanks,may God help you and see you through, in Jesus name Amen

  3. This is a horrible case. Please, since three of can take care of your selves. Please do it along with your mum
    i.e. help your mum as well. Ignore the attitude of your dad. Your mum knows why she doesn't want to abandon him. In as much as his attitude can not be comprehended, I feel frustration is playing a great role there. Pray for him as well. May God change this appalling situation for your sake.

  4. Please take care of your mum, for your dad if you have an elder brother tell him to wipe his ass, he needs to rough handed

    1. Its better u, ur siblings n mom leave dat particular state n move to anoda, and also prayers will help, let him stay there alone so DST he will realise d usefulness of his family, he might always come back begging. Sorry.

  5. 1. Seek external Help-support (medical & financial) for your mother, e.g. from her siblings or Church.
    2. From whatever genuine Help-giver you find, solicit also for menial job opportunities for yourself and siblings to enable you earn some additional money to sustain your mother's children while she recuperates.
    3. Find/Get a safer accommodation for your mother which, by all means, is kept a secret from your irresponsible father, while you also try to get legal and police/security protection for her.
    4. Obey all the precautions against contracting the current COVID-19 pandemic in all you do, so that no member of your family becomes infected. God bless you.